2. I showed three examples of writing below average, average, and above average.
3. We began working on our own paragraph: discuss Bilbo's transformation.
Below are examples of writing on the topic of Thorin's transformation:
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Discuss Thorin’s transformation in the novel.
This paragraph might
not pass:
Thorin is the head of the dwarves. He has a long beard and a special coloured hat with a
tassel. He is the leader of the
expedition and he is the main guy who wants to get their treasure back. I like
the other dwarves but Thorin is my favourite. Bilbo isn’t a dwarf.
He’s a hobbit who helps the group.
Thorin transforms because he changes. At first he is the head of the group that goes to return the
treasure. Then Bilbo kinda becomes
the head. Like when Bilbo saves
them from the spiders blah blah blah blah
This paragraph is
average:
In this paragraph I am going to discus Thorin’s
transformation in The Hobbit.
Transformation means a really big change and that’s just what Thorin
does. He changes from being the leader of the party to showing us that
sometimes he loses his focus. In
the opening of the novel, it is clear that Thorin is the wisest of the dwarves
and he naturally takes on a leadership role. He is skeptical that Bilbo will be a useful burglar: “Very well then. . . suppose the
burglar expert give us some ideas or suggestions.” (p. 21) When Thorin says
these words, he suggests that he isn’t really confident that Bilbo is good
enough to be a part of their quest .
Later he transforms or changes when Bilbo blah blah blah blah blah
This paragraph is
above average:
In The Hobbit by
JRR Tolkien, Thorin Oakenshield is a character who undergoes a significant
change or transformation in his perceptions – most importantly, in his
perception of Bilbo Baggins. Like
most readers at the start of the novel, Thorin feels that Bilbo Bagins is just
an ordinary hobbit who might not be capable of very much at all, let alone
being capable of being a burglar good enough sneak into Smaug’s lair and take
back their treasure from the malevolent dragon: “Very well then. . . suppose the burglar expert
give us some ideas or suggestions.” (p. 21) Here you can imagine Thorin
emphasizing the word “suppose” which clearly shows he casts much doubt on Bilbo. His perception that Bilbo is a homely
hobbit who may not be much help at all in their quest is confirmed when they
come across the cave trolls. As a
direct result of the bumbling Baggins, the entire party is captured by the
trolls and only through the help of Gandalf do they escape death. Surely, at
this point Thorin is as confident in Bilbo as he would be in the Trolls’
collective I.Q. As the novel
progresses, however, and as the thirteen dwarves and Bilbo go through the many
adventures that take them to the Lonely Mountain, Thorin’s opinion transforms
into blah blah blah blah blah
