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Satisfactory
Paragraph
In the novel The Boy in the Striped Pajamas Schmuel is a kid who is cautious and forgiving. He is cautious because is very careful about the stuff he does. He knows that he if makes a mistake like getting caught being near the fence he would get in TOTAL trouble. Bruno asks him if he’d like some food when he’s at his house and Schmuel says, “I can’t . . . He’ll come back.” (167) That shows that he is cautious. Schmuel is also a forgiving kid. He forgives Bruno for not saying that he was his friend when Lieutenant Kotler asked him, “Do you know this boy?” Bruno answered, “I’ve never spoken to him,” so then Schmuel was probably beaten up by Lieutenant Kotler (172). Bruno did not see him for a week and he knew what he had done was “so terrible” (174). Even though Bruno did this seriously bad thing to Schmuel, Schmuel said “It’s all right.” (174) I think it’s pretty nice that Schmuel forgives Bruno because he got totally beaten black and blue for it. This paragraph has shown that Schmuel is both cautious and forgiving.
In the novel The Boy in the Striped Pajamas Schmuel is a kid who is cautious and forgiving. He is cautious because is very careful about the stuff he does. He knows that he if makes a mistake like getting caught being near the fence he would get in TOTAL trouble. Bruno asks him if he’d like some food when he’s at his house and Schmuel says, “I can’t . . . He’ll come back.” (167) That shows that he is cautious. Schmuel is also a forgiving kid. He forgives Bruno for not saying that he was his friend when Lieutenant Kotler asked him, “Do you know this boy?” Bruno answered, “I’ve never spoken to him,” so then Schmuel was probably beaten up by Lieutenant Kotler (172). Bruno did not see him for a week and he knew what he had done was “so terrible” (174). Even though Bruno did this seriously bad thing to Schmuel, Schmuel said “It’s all right.” (174) I think it’s pretty nice that Schmuel forgives Bruno because he got totally beaten black and blue for it. This paragraph has shown that Schmuel is both cautious and forgiving.
Positives:
On topic
Not much plot summary
Organized
Uses quotations rather well
Quotations have page #’s in brackets
The content is logical and correct
Areas of Improvement:
Vocabulary should be elevated
Transition words aren’t used (much)
Level of thought could be improved (level of interpretation)
Some sentences are rather short.
Sentence variety should be improved
Using a metaphor or simile or personification should be
considered
Improved Paragraph
In the novel The Boy in the Striped Pajamas Schmuel is a
complicated character who displays some character traits that oppose one
another. While on the one hand he
is an understandably cautious character, at certain times he is also a brave
risk-taker. . . . and on and on and on. . .
