I read and marked SOME of the
compositions – not all of them. I will
be prepared to share those marks with you, but probably not until after
class. Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t get them
ALL done. Anyway, after reading them a couple things came up in terms of what I
need to teach you in the next two weeks.
Wait, first, let’s talk about what you did well in your compositions. The level of maturity in your compositions
was, frankly, quite surprising. Several
students in this class, let’s be honest, can be a bit silly. In terms of this composition, though, every
student wrote thoughtfully.
Earlier this year I said that
you have to write as if you are 18 years old – and all of you did. And I don’t know why but that surprised
me. So, that’s the one, significant
positive that I gleaned from all of your compositions.
The areas that need to be
improved, generally speaking, are two-fold: one, the use of dialogue in your
compositions, and the idea of “showing” the reader things and not simply
“telling” the reader things.
Let’s start with the problems
with dialogue.
The problems that
many/most/all of you have with dialogue is that you’re not punctuating it
correctly.
Let’s have a look.
This would be what correctly punctuated
dialogue looks like:
So I said to the waitress, “Can I please get a
coffee?”
“No, I’m afraid not. We don’t have any coffee.”
“But I really need something to help me wake up,” I
replied hopefully.
“Well, I can probably find some instant coffee,”
she said uncertainly. “Let me go back into the kitchen and see.”
We then worked on more in class writing by completing the lesson below. (students handed this into me and I read some at the end of class).
English 10 --
Showing/Telling Lesson
Telling
Telling is when you simply state what happened.
Showing
Showing is when you use most of your senses (sight, touch,
taste, smell, hear) to paint a picture in the reader’s mind. Don’t just
tell what happened, DESCRIBE the experience.
Telling Sentence
She waved goodbye to the boy at the door, but the boy didn’t
reply.
An example of a
“Showing” paragraph
Ms. Luella Bates Washington Jones deliberately stepped
into the doorway and looked directly into the wide-open eyes of Roger as he
backed out of the room. His steps were
as careful and cautious as tightrope-walker.
As Ms. Jones tied the crisp, white apron around her back, her hand, calloused
with the hard work, raised. She waved
good-bye, the corners of her mouth pulling outward. Her memory traveled back to
her youngest son.
“Goodness! He looks just like Joel,” she thought. In
the hallway with the smell of black tea surrounding him, Roger waved back and,
once again, tried to open his mouth. His
tongue was knotted and thick, like a piece of twisted branch, and once again he
could not utter the one thing he wished to say.
Using the
"telling" sentence below, create one "showing" paragraph
Tips
1.
Don’t use
simple words.
2.
Use a
comparison (a simile or metaphor) to give your writing flair.
3.
Don’t use too
much dialogue
4.
Remember to
use several senses (sight, touch, smell, sound, taste)
5.
Use
connecting words (e.g. however, otherwise, nonetheless, although, whenever,
whether, etc. . . ). This will make your writing have more FLOW (and flow is good)
Remember to read to p. 116 in Speak by Monday
